Restart
by Narushi-sama
Summary: Erwin has these dreams and vision of future events. He can't really tell if it's true or if it's just his lack of sleep that's at fault. Sometimes, he would get lost in it, he would see a lean body right next to his own, loving him. And he doesn't know who it is in his dreams. And sometimes, he would feel pain in his right arm. Eruri (Erwin x Levi) mature content in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Restart

Erwin had been sleeping poorly lately, he kept on dreaming about some sort of unexpected outcome he wasn't really able to grasp or see. At all. Yet these vivid dreams, showing him the most tragic scenarios night after night, were the only reminder of what might have happened at any minute as well as at any place within or outside the walls. Sometimes, he would hear his mattress squeak as if someone had joined him in his dreams. He would feel an unknown lean body right next to his own, and he would turn around and hug that body, whispering one word after another, until the smaller one would get upset and Erwin would smile. Funny, how dreams happen, but in the end, he would always wake up alone. He dedicated his heart to other things, and love wasn't one of them, so being alone wasn't necessarily a sad thing for him since he had chosen this life in the first place. Still, these dreams were creeping their way into his mind and into his very soul, twitching on the surface of his skin, making it red from the violation of his nails as he tried to shake it off during his sleep. And just sometimes, he would wake up screaming, face painfully drawn as a plain canvas covered in blood. And he would _always, always_ feel the pain in his right arm. There were things he couldn't explain.

*/*/*

"Commander, I've heard about some very talented pests that are using 3D maneuver gear in the Underground city. They seem to be involved with Lobov, I've already made few preparations, so I'm assuming I can get them out by tomorrow, is that okay with you?" Erwin asked one morning on a scheduled appointment with Shadis, who had seemed to be at lost lately, so the blond took the reins for him, even though neither of them ever talked about it. Erwin sensed the growing weakness in the other man, and from this point, it would not be long before he obtained Shadis's place as a Commander.

*/*/*

Erwin knew he found gold when his eyes spotted this short guy for the first time. Although his movements were sometimes a little bit hasty, he still seemed to move with a grace he had never seen before. It was a pure talent, something, that Erwin needed in the survey corps. And so he claimed him, forcefully at first, willingly at last.

"My name is Erwin Smith. And yours?"

"Levi."

In spite of knowing about Levi's intentions of killing him from the very beginning, Erwin let him in, trusting his power and will to really change something. Sad lightning of recent accidents had pierced Levi's mind, but Erwin was sure that this guy was able to endure almost anything in this fucked up world, so he told him not to regret his decisions. Fate written on the battlefield, dying breath of a friend, pieces of memories vanishing to the steam coming out of a large titan body. And little by little, the sweat Levi started to shed was not for killing Erwin, but for helping him. Lines once so harsh and vivid now seemed to blur so that no one could see borders anymore, no one knew anymore. And no one cared. Levi had gained their trust, and shortly after that became humanity's strongest.

That's when the story had begun…

/*/*/

On one particular night, Erwin felt like his arm was about to explode, a strange tingle had been troubling him throughout his otherwise peaceful dreams, and he just couldn't shake it away. It got to the point where it felt like it was missing. A bolt of pain tore him from his sleep so harshly, that he, with a displeased yank, sat up and took a few seconds to breathe it out. He looked around his bedroom, it seemed to be almost morning, there was a dim light coloring the sky with just a tiny bit of orange visible through the windows. Erwin then decided to get off his bed and take a shower, all the while trying to forget about the pain that was still tangled around his right arm.

To his fortune, it faded away during the usual morning routine, and when the blond sat down to eat breakfast, he almost forgot about it completely. The rest of the day went smoothly, he didn't feel any pain whatsoever, and when the sun said its goodbye again, he listened to the sound of nature, lips turned upward just a little bit, eyes closed and a sweet, sweet smell of the rain in his nostrils. Someone, though, had disrupted his evening relax, stepping towards the feeling of knowing already who was it, Erwin halted by the door and opened them just to look Levi in the face.

"What is it, Levi? Shouldn't you be celebrating your promotion to humanity's strongest soldier?" Erwin asked politely, but moved out of the door nevertheless, making just enough room for Levi to enter.

"What is there to celebrate, Erwin? That I'm able to take a shit while slaughtering titan's neck? That's ridiculous, everyone in there is fucking wasted." The smaller guy noted with stoicism interwoven into his voice. Erwin stared at his companion's face for a moment, as if to say something, but he just couldn't capture his thoughts and turn them into words. Only a mixture of confusion wobbled in his mind and screamed at him incomprehensible and great nothings. In moments like this, Erwin would often found himself recalling unknown dreams that had come to his sleep every once in a while. In those dreams, Erwin wouldn't be alone in bed, nor would he be waking up alone. And the one who occupied his dreams was still under cover of darkness, unknown, yet quite familiar.

"Erwin, you look like a fly drooling over a fresh shit on the ground. It's hilarious. Whatever you're thinking about, get together." Levi yapped at him, drawing him strictly out of his own thoughts. Erwin smiled gently at the smaller guy and finally closed the door, leaving him by the entrance without saying a single word to him. He walked slowly to the table and pulled out two glasses, tilted the carafe over one of them and poured a golden liquor in it. Then he looked up at Levi, his hand hanging above the other glass, smiling.

"Do you want to have a drink with me?" He asked.

"Tea." Levi corrected him dryly.

"Oh, come on, Levi. Just one drink, it's on you."

"Tea." Yet the smaller one seemed to be very persistent when it came to his drinking habits. Eventually, and with a loud sigh, Erwin consented.

"I only have the leftover tea in the kettle, do you want me to heat it up for you?"

"No, it's fine just as it is, give me a cup and I'll do the rest myself, I'm not sure your hands aren't filthy." At that coming out of Levi's mouth, Erwin smirked a little.

"I've already showered myself, you know." He said with a smile, that could have been considered pretty, however, his eyes stayed cold. With a blank expression, Levi walked over to the kettle and took the cup from Erwin, pouring in just the right amount of his beloved black tea as he spoke once again.

"I don't think I need to hear details of your showers, Erwin." And with that being said, Levi looked over his shoulder to the blond's face, narrowing his gaze a little. "You seem to be spacing out a lot lately."

"Have I?" Erwin tilted his head gently to the side, few strands of hair falling over his eyes for a moment, hiding those ice crystals glittering in his irises.

"Don't act like a stupid fucklord and answer me properly." The shorter guy snorted discontentedly, closing the distance between them a little as if trying to intimidate the taller one with stepping into his personal zone. Erwin's smile started to fade, and with every passing second, it got fainter and fainter, to the point where Levi couldn't see it anymore.

"Is that a concern I hear in your voice, Levi?" And even though those words were spoken in a lighter tone, Erwin's eyes seemed to be suddenly a lot darker, looking like those of a beast. Again, visions of events he had never experienced would come into his mind. That flawless body would hold him through the nightmares. And his right arm would be missing.

"_...win…. Oi…. listening..." _He heard a familiar voice from afar, and then he felt an actual pain on his foot as Levi sorely stomped on it, snapping him out of his fantasies, making him see the reality. Erwin frowned and stared into the grey world of Ackerman's eyes, losing himself in them again, and again.

"Oi, Erwin, are you listening?" He heard him clearly now, so he slowly nodded and whispered.

"Yes, Levi, I can hear you. I've been just sleeping poorly in the past few weeks, so I'm assuming this is the price for working too much. Don't worry about me." And right after Erwin ended his speech, Levi butted in immediately with "Who's worried? I don't give a fuck, just make sure you're not gonna take a shit during missions, I don't know how those shitheads would survive without you. I believe your judgment. Erwin, but don't you dare make me regret my decision to dedicate my heart and life to you, you filthy piglet." Levi said in a low voice with no signs of a single emotion. But unlike Erwin, his eyes sparkled with honesty and undisguised certainty over the uttered words. He finished his tea, put the mug on the table in front of the blond, turned and headed calmly to the exit. Only a few seconds later, Erwin took two steps closer to Levi. To touch his shoulder. To stop him.

"Don't touch me with your filthy hand, I might get dirty." As Ackerman spoke his mind out, Erwin squeezed his shoulder to prove him he wasn't gonna obey his hollow words.

"Why did you come here?"

"No particular reason, Erwin. Just…" But Levi was interrupted by the other male.

"I have been dreaming about you. I can see these scenarios that always end up bad. And in the end, I always sit on the biggest pile of dead people, alone." Erwin started slowly, his voice was low, almost sorrowful, and Levi thought just how much guilt had the taller man felt. Without even looking at him, he spoke.

"Do you know just how many people we've had to kill until now? You're already standing on the most fucked up pile of dead people, Erwin. You were the one to tell me not to have regrets. We don't know the outcome, because a lot of the times, we're going into a situation we know nothing about. So what we need is to be quick to act… and make tough decisions in worst-case scenarios. And in the end the only thing we're allowed to do… is to believe that we won't regret the choices we made. Aren't those your own words, Erwin?" Looking straight to the door, he stood there, his shoulder attacked by Erwin's palm hardly squeezing him, almost to the point where it was painful, but he didn't mind. He didn't care. He felt the hand move, slightly at first, then with more force, making him turn around to face the blond. With a frown, Levi dug his steel-like eyes into Erwin's crystal blue ones, piercing his face with the most of rough glares.

"Levi…"

"What?"

And there it was again… The feeling of being dragged to another reality. Erwin felt his body burning as well as felt his right arm twitch again. He moved it away from Levi's shoulder closer to his face as if trying to ensure himself that he hadn't lost it yet. There was something about the shorter guy that triggered these visions in his mind, that made a mess out of him. Far beyond the blue gates of his eyes, he saw the unknown person living in his dreams again. And though he had no idea who it was, he felt as if the person was holding him together, as if he was two steps ahead of breaking into million pieces. Trust, warmth and the power that radiated from that lean body were something he desperately wanted, without even being able to capture the intruder's identity in his head. He was torn, uncertain about his own reality and fantasies as if he couldn't tell where he was at that moment. He blinked heavily, his deep breath accelerating his speed, the heat running all over his body. And when his fingers touched the soft skin on Levi's face, God knows why he whispered into the sudden silence. _"Captain."_

_"Tch."_ Levi snorted loud enough to pull Erwin out of his dreams. He snapped his hand away from his face and frowned at him.

"Go to sleep, you're talking shit, Erwin." And with those words falling from his lips, he turned and headed for the exit, this time the blond didn't stop him. Levi halted between the doors and turned to him for the last time that night. "If you want me to be a captain, escort your ass to the commander's post first." And with that, he left.

Erwin stood there, frozen to the bones, looking directly at the place that once was occupied by Levi. His left hand holding his right arm right above the elbow. It hurt, and he didn't know why.

Still, these vivid fantasies were creeping their way into his mind and into his very soul, twitching on the surface of his skin, making it red from the violation of his nails as he tried to shake it off. And just sometimes, he would stand there in the middle of the room, internally screaming, face painfully drawn as a plain canvas covered in blood, even though it remained cold and heartless on the outside. _And he would always, always feel the pain in his right arm. _

There were things he couldn't explain.

°TBC°

_AN: Sooo… I know I'm a sucker when it comes to my unfinished stories, but I really wanted to write about these two. For the longest of times, they are my fuel, I love them. I hope there are fans of Eruri as well, and I hope that those who aren't… that well… it's only temporary. :D Because Eruri is fucking good. Thank you for your love, reviews, kudos, and everything. I love you guys. 3 (And yes, I'll try to finish my other stories asap, don't worry! :D ) _


	2. 2

2.

The pull on his flesh was just too strong, it stifled the choice and the air in his lungs. Another dream, another cruel salvation. Another waking up, alone. In the darkness of his own room. Erwin Smith, fresh commander of the Survey Corps. Someone, who was said to put an end to all these meaningless deaths. Someone, who created hope within the walls. And yet, that same Erwin Smith struggled to keep his sanity intact, and somehow, that violation of his own mind crushed his dreams into little pieces. And who was there to collect them and make them whole again? No one.

Erwin stood there, watching his comrades die, over and over again. And he saw himself sitting on this pile of dead people as he had already seen in his dreams. And once he came to the realization that his dreams might be somewhat telling him the future outcomes of his decisions, he refused to believe it.

* Levi *

Watching Erwin becoming a commander was something that Levi thought would fill him with hope and certainty, but neither of that happened. Instead, he felt viciously empty, as if looking blankly too far into the future he had no chance of knowing. He started off his journey in the survey corps by hating Erwin so much that he would love to see him torn apart. And yet, over time, gradually, it became impossible to imagine this world without Erwin and his strategies. Something had changed along the way and Levi conceded. Although, there was this tiny bit part of Erwin that pissed him off every once in a while, and Levi knew it would be stuck with him forever.

The first night something happened, was also the night when Erwin obtained the Commander's post. Everyone was excited about it so they held a little party in Erwin's name, drank too much booze and danced like there was no tomorrow, but the reason behind the celebrating wasn't there, and Levi being, well, Levi, wasn't exactly fond of events like this. So he snuck out of the room and went to find a certain little prick who didn't even bother to come to his own party. Not that Levi was the one to talk, considering the fact that he didn't attend his own celebration to humanity's strongest soldier, but this was different. Erwin was different. Without knocking on the door, he opened it and walked in, searching with his steel-like eyes the only person that he came here for. Commander. To Levi's surprise, he wasn't seated in his usual place, but sat by the window, looking somewhere far away with his bright blue eyes, a glass of whiskey resting silently on the windowsill. A significant click of the door closing resonated in Erwin's ears and let him know someone else entered his private place, thus he turned his head just a little bit to lock his gaze onto Levi.

"What are you doing here, Levi?" He asked calmly, and the smaller guy moved his legs forward, deeper into the room, to steal away the blond's glass and downing it in one go.

"Erwin, don't be a shitface, everyone is downstairs celebrating your stupid promotion and you're here, hidden in your own shit," Levi said flatly, without even trying to put on some expression, but it made Erwin smile nonetheless.

"Let them celebrate, Levi. We don't know if we would be here tomorrow, just let them have the time of their lives, it might be also their last day. You know that very well, don't you?" He raised his hand and slowly touched Ackerman's shoulder, a little hiss sounded in return, but that was it. No answer, no words, nothing more. Despite the fact that Levi always looked inanimate like the stone itself, something about his glare was enthralling and rich with hidden emotions. And as he stole Erwin's bottle to pour some more whiskey into the glass he still held in his hand, the blond narrowed his gaze a little bit.

"Since when do you drink, Levi?"

"Since never, I don't drink, you cumdumpster," Levi uttered coldly while gulping the whiskey down his throat again.

"So I see." Erwin pointed out with a small smile decorating his perfect-shaped-lips. That thought had gone incredibly fast throughout Levi's entire system and flooded his mind with a pleasant fog. Erwin noticed a change in his glare and took the glass out of his hand.

"What the fuck is your problem, thundercunt." The captain said in a low voice without showing any kind of emotion whatsoever. He just stood there, moonlight sparkling on his ivory skin. And for the first time, Erwin had felt a sting coming from his chest all the way down to his pants. Levi was somehow beautiful that night. The hand on his shoulder moved a little, drawing an unknown path along the rough cloth of his jacket. Yet the blond could feel the warmth of Raven's body, radiating through his garments, to his own cool fingers. Levi's gaze followed every move of Erwin's palm, stabbing the daggers directly at the places he occupied as if he wanted to protect himself from something. And then the hand disappeared, leaving the shorter guy without any explanation.

Soon after that, Levi left.

The perturbing feeling chasing him down with every beat of his heart was something he thought was impossible to feel. Yet there it was, piercing his mind like an arrow, making his hands disgustingly sweaty, and his knees wobbly. And maybe this was the first time it happened, but surely it wasn't the last. Sometimes, Levi would feel hotness spreading all over his body, he would imagine big hands cupping his cheeks, and then he would be biting into those lips or neck or literally anything he would have access to. And just sometimes, he would picture Erwin in these situations. Funny how life was because they both knew such things were impossible to happen, forbidden to think about.

And then Levi found himself sitting right next to Erwin's bed, watching him sleep. Why was he there? What has he done to deserve such thing? He didn't know. He just sat there in the darkness, thinking about stupid shit, talking some stupid shit. And Erwin was a shitty sleeper, so no wonder Levi's shitty words had woken him up.

"Levi?"

"Hanji told me to look after you, since there are people chasing down your fucking head, Erwin. I'm not fucking happy to be here either, so don't interrupt me in my fucking late night thoughts and go to sleep, shitbrows."

Erwin's lips twitched a little as if trying to hide a smile from forming, Levi was not amused by his reaction, he looked at him more directly, glaring deadly right into his icy blue eyes, melting some of the coldness that was always in there.

"I'm good, Levi. If you're not sleeping, neither am I. Would you like some black tea?" Levi took his words in consideration, furrowing his brows a little.

"Are you seriously talking back at me?" He asked afterward.

"I'm a Commander, captain. Don't forget that." Erwin murmured, and a soft smile could be heard in his husky voice.

"Not in your fucking bed," Levi uttered coldly, not showing any signs of emotions.

But Erwin didn't get up, and Levi didn't want the fucking tea. He stared into Erwin's eyes, thinking about endless shores and blue skies filled with glittering wings of promising freedom. He felt like there was so much more than a cold unwelcoming world. And then Erwin patted the empty space in his bed, surely telling Levi to accompany him. Levi didn't want to, but he undressed and got into the bed, trying as hard as possible not to get so close to the blond man.

"I'm not feeling very well, Levi. Mind if I embrace you?" Came from a much closer distance than he had expected, it almost made him twitch. Almost.

"Tch, do whatever you want, asshole." Levi snorted, turning his back on Erwin so he couldn't see his stupid face. And as he felt strong arms making their way into the fabric of his duvets, he instinctively stopped breathing for a moment, not being able to collect himself back to the human form capable of living. And then these strong arms embraced him, slowly melting the ice that was created on his skin as a protection from getting hurt. A whisper of a warm breath tickled him on the back of his neck, forcing goosebumps to appear right after that, and then a soft touch of Erwin's lips on his skin had caused a damage so great that Levi lost his breath again. Erwin traced his lips all the way to raven's shoulder, where Erwin suddenly bit him hard enough to make Levi humm in unexpected pleasure.

"What are you trying to achieve with this, Erwin." He asked, but there were no signs of a question, Levi's tone was still as flat as a runway at the airport. His body was reacting, but yet his mind didn't seem to be involved at all, he slowly looked over his own shoulder and locked his coal gray eyes with ones of endless blue oceans somewhere in a far away world, where oceans were known, seen and enjoyed. Right then and there, though, were just endless blue representing the holy unknown, reminding them both of what had been lost and what hadn't been discovered yet. As much as Levi wanted to, he couldn't hate those eyes. Those eyes pleading for knowledge, for life, for freedom, a childlike dream to probably never come true, yet his eyes were sincere. And how could he spit on that and let his dream crumble to small pieces. He couldn't. So he turned to face him and moved slowly forward to place a wet kiss on Erwin's lips.

"Levi… You don't… "

"Shut up, furrybrows. I'm doing it because you need it, don't back down now, I would feel like a stupid ass imbecile otherwise. Just let me fucking do it and stop whining like a little bitch." Levi uttered monotonously with a glare so intense to even make a titan run for his life screaming, but to Erwin, he just looked cute. He smiled tenderly at him, and as Levi moved closer again, the blond gave in and let the smaller one lead the way to the end of this day.

The night was lively, songs from nearby pubs were getting happier as the time went by, and somewhere in the fields cicadas could be heard playing their little melodies of the evening. And a certain room filled with quiet moments of need. Manly hands ruffled the black strands of his soft hair as he traced a path down to Erwin's crotch. And while a tiny voice inside of his head was telling him that this was certainly not a good idea, another one, and way more louder, told him to suck the hell out of Erwin. So he did. But as the evening progressed, Erwin's touches seemed to hold a meaning, as if he meant to touch Levi with all the love he had left in his soul. To the smaller one, though, it just looked cheap. Mostly because he sucked him off without any kind of expectations, and from then the blond started to act a little bit weird, slowly crushing the shell of a Commander to show off the simple Erwin underneath it, bit by bit revealing the mystery of his soul, his doubts, his scars and his love. Levi wasn't ready for such storm washing over his guts, forcefully opening his own heart to that long forgotten feeling. He felt a strong force pulling him closer to the Commander, but somewhere on the road, he realized there were no other options, because he already belonged to Erwin. From the very first day they shared the same battlefield. He had given him everything without a second thought, without doubts. And without regrets.


End file.
